Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad
by Draco the Lizard
Summary: SG1 goes to a karaoke bar. Jack and Daniel both know that karaoke is best dealt with by being drunk. Some other things however, are not best dealt with by being drunk. JackDaniel pairing
1. Daniel's POV

Disclaimer: It all belongs to MGM etcetera.

Usually, Daniel would have thought that two out of three wasn't bad. Two out of three people who believed his theories was still a majority. Two out of three questions answered correctly on an exam still got him a pass. In most cases, two out of three was enough. But in this one particular case, two out of three was just plain horrible. 1. He was in bed with Jack. 2. Jack had expressed willingness to have sex with him. So far, so good. 3. Jack also said he wouldn't have sex with him.

Yes, Daniel was very confused too. And pissy as hell. Where had things gone wrong?

-o-o-

Teal'c had been the one to suggest that they'd have a team night tonight, to go out for a drink in a bar somewhere. Sam had been quick to agree that it had been a long time, and she had heard of a good bar from Janet. Perhaps they could go there? Jack had caught 'team', 'drink', 'bar' and 'tonight' and was all in favour of the plan. He was so in favour of the plan he wanted to put it in action immediately. Daniel had pointed out that it was only around noon, and that they could meet up at the bar at around ten in the evening.

So that what they'd done. Met up around ten, gone in, and got the first drinks. Daniel looked around, it was pleasantly busy and the music was at the right volume. Seemed like Janet knew her bars. Then he noticed the 'Karaoke Tonight!' sign. He quickly elbowed Jack and pointed it out to him. Jack's reaction was to get another beer to go with his half-finished one. "You that thirsty?" Daniel wondered.

"No, but if there's gonna be karaoke at…" He looked at the sign again. "Eleven, I need to have more beer."

Sam and Teal'c had noticed the sign and the two beers as well. "Building up courage to sing, sir?"

Jack glared at her. "'Course not. Just building up my ability to not be bothered by the bad singers."

"You may be pleasantly surprised, O'Neill. Perhaps the people here are better than you expect," Teal'c said.

"Hah! I know karaoke. It's all about drunken people singing bad songs drunkenly. And the only way to enjoy it is by being drunk yourself." And with that, Jack took another big gulp.

"Karaoke is NOT about being drunk," Sam said. "It's about having fun."

"Yes, and the only way to have karaoke related fun is by being drunk. Trust me. Daniel? You've been at university and college half your life. You must've been in karaoke bars, students are known for doing it." Jack nudged Daniel.

"Er, well, I've only been in one a couple of times. But yeah, it's only fun if you're drunk and the people are bad drunken singers." He shrugged. "It's no fun if someone can actually sing well."

Sam shook her head. "We'll see who's right and who has more fun. The two of you trying to get drunk ASAP, or me and Teal'c staying sober." She looked at her own wine. "Well, more sober at any rate."

"I am sure I will have a good time in this establishment," Teal'c declared. "I do not require alcohol for that."

Jack snorted. "Let's hear you say that in two hours. Karaoke will have started properly by then, never does until the first drunkards decide to sing. Like I said, no one sober is insane enough to do karaoke."

Teal'c just raised an eyebrow at that. "We shall see, O'Neill."

And indeed they saw. They saw Sam and Teal'c get the karaoke book that listed the available songs. Daniel was shocked. He didn't think Teal'c would want to do it, and Sam didn't strike him as the type who'd want to sing in front of other people. "You guys aren't seriously going to sing, are you?"

"Of course we are," Sam said. "We're going to prove that sober people can have fun with karaoke too."

"For crying out loud, Carter, I believe you. I don't need you and Teal'c singing some crap song to proof it," Jack said, working on his third beer. There was a fourth beer lined up, which Jack had gotten for Daniel. Strangely enough, it seemed to have migrated from in front of Daniel to in front of Jack. Daniel left it that way. He hadn't paid for it, and Jack seemed to want it more than he did anyway. Besides, he still had some hopes that a drunken Jack would be an easily persuaded to do karaoke Jack.

"We shall demonstrate nonetheless, O'Neill," Teal'c said, as he pointed out a song to Sam, who nodded.

"We'll do that one. It's perfect."

Daniel leaned over to see the page. "Which one is it?"

Sam quickly shut the book. "You'll just have to have patience," She said with a smile. "But I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised." She and Teal'c went to bring the book and to inform the guy in charge of their choice.

When they returned, neither was willing to say which song they had chosen. Teal'c just stayed silent when asked, and Sam stuck with her 'patience is a virtue'. Jack argued that he never been very virtuous in his life, and that he wasn't going to start now. Sam replied that that didn't surprise her in the least, and in the following argument the karaoke song had been forgotten entirely.

At eleven, the karaoke didn't start with drunkards as Jack had predicted. It started with a girl who did a decent version of some pop song Daniel hadn't heard of. Next was an elderly couple, probably tourists, who were doing the rather mushy 'why do birds suddenly appear' song which probably had a different title Daniel didn't really care about. They weren't bad, but he didn't like mushy soppy lovesongs. Not when his own love life was practically non-existent. He glanced at Jack who was working on the fourth beer he had technically bought for Daniel. Wonderful. The only one he wanted involved in his love life was more focused on drinking himself into a stupor. He wasn't going to mope or sulk now. He wasn't. And if he was, he was going to disguise it by getting another drink.

By the time he got back to their table, another couple of people had braved the karaoke machine. "So, when's your turn?" He asked, wanting to know when his curiosity would be satisfied. It was rather sad that only his curiosity got any satisfaction these days, but he'd take any satisfaction he could get. Maybe he should just get properly drunk, and sing 'I Can't Get No Satisfaction'. Maybe that would be enough to get Jack a clue. Then again, seeing how Jack seemed more interested in sneaking sips from Daniel's beer than in Daniel, he figured that wouldn't work either. Maybe he should stick to another Stones song. You Can't Always Get What You Want. He certainly couldn't.

He was so engrossed in thinking of another clue that he almost missed the karaoke guy announcing that Sam and Murray would now sing a song. He elbowed Jack, who once again was trying to get Daniel's beer to migrate to him. "They're up!"

Sam and Teal'c made their way to the microphone, and Daniel wondered if plugging his ears would be necessary and obvious. Sam had a right punch he didn't want to be in the way of, and Teal'c wouldn't be pleased either.

"Dammit, I was hoping it wasn't their turn yet! Four beers is not enough to deal with friends doing karaoke!" Jack exclaimed, and promptly took a big gulp from Daniel's beer.

It turned out that plugging wasn't necessary. Sam and Teal'c did quite well, and Daniel sniggered when he recognised the tune. "'I Got You Babe'," He said. "Think they're trying to tell us something?"

Jack snorted. "Doubt it. Still, they're not bad. Better than some of the others, anyway."

Daniel had to admit that was true. Sam and Teal'c certainly were doing their best, Sam making doe eyes at Teal'c, and Teal'c had a protective arm around her shoulder.

"Daniel?" Jack asked. "Let's make a pact. Let's promise each other that no matter what happens tonight, neither of us is going to come anywhere NEAR that machine."

Daniel thought about that. Jack doing karaoke would be fun, but he had heard him sing and knew he could only stand that if he were drunk. And he knew that if he were drunk, the chances of him doing karaoke were fairly high. "Sure." He raised his glass. "To a successful evening of karaoke avoiding."

-o-o-

Of course the karaoke avoiding hadn't worked. Jack's steady drinking and Daniel's less steady drinking had made them easier to manipulate, and Sam and Teal'c were doing just that. Teal'c was questioning their courage, saying that if he had the courage to do it, surely Jack and Daniel were brave enough as well. Sam just called them wussies and said that next time she was going to ask Janet along rather than them, claiming that Janet was more fun than them anyway.

Daniel was getting more and more annoyed with it. Surely it wasn't a sign of courage to make an ass of yourself in front of other people? Sam had already gotten the karaoke book, and was suggesting songs as well, which was just presumptuous of her.

"So, what about My Sharona then? That one's easy, you just shout Sharona a lot," Sam said.

"No. No, I am not going to sing. No," Jack stated. He was drinking from his seventh or eighth beer, Daniel had lost count. He thought Jack was quite coherent for someone who should be quite drunk by now. He was only on his third beer, having had some soda in between.

"How about a deal?" Teal'c asked. "I shall buy the next round of drinks, and you sing a song for us."

Daniel already wanted to say no, but Jack was more interested in what kind of drinks. "I mean, if you're just gonna get me more beer, what's in it for me, y'know?"

Sam leaned over and whispered something in Teal'c ear. "I shall buy you tequila shots." He promptly said. Sam was grinning widely.

"How about you get us the shots, and then we'll see how we feel about it," Jack suggested. Teal'c nodded, and left to get the shots. Sam accompanied him to help carry the salt and the lemon slices.

"Excuse me? You want us to do tequila shots and sing?" Daniel spluttered. Was Jack insane?

"We're just gonna say no after the shot. Easy. If Teal'c wants to buy us drinks, I'm not stopping him," Jack said. "I'm all for other people buying me drinks."

"I noticed," Daniel grumbled. Maybe if he bought Jack a drink? Not that it'd work now, Jack was a bit too far gone. Besides, Teal'c was buying all of them drinks, and Jack didn't seem to consider that a come on. And Jack had bought him a beer as well, even though it had ended up in Jack's stomach. Daniel didn't think that was a come on either, just Jack's way of telling him to relax a little. But he hardly ever bought Jack a drink, so if he did Jack would notice and maybe get a clue. It was something to keep in mind for the next time they went out.

Teal'c put the glasses on the table, and Sam had the salt and lemons. "Everybody's done this before?" She asked.

"I have not. What is the use of the lemons and the salt?" Teal'c asked.

"Oh, you're about to find out what the lemons are for. Just follow my lead," Jack said, and licked his hand. "I said follow my lead, Teal'c, not look at me like I've grown a second head."

If Teal'c looked surprised, Daniel hadn't seen it. He was too busy staring at Jack licking his own hand. It was sad, it was pathetic, and yet he did it anyway. And he knew that he would think about it a lot in the privacy of his own bedroom. He was doomed.

"Okay, so then you put salt on your hand." Jack put some salt on his hand. "And you're still not following my lead, Teal'c."

"I believe I shall wait until you are done before I do so," Teal'c said. Daniel thought that was quite wise, and figured that Teal'c would probably decide not to go ahead with the shot once he found out what the use of the salt and lemon was. Teal'c didn't like lemon at all.

Jack glared at Teal'c before getting himself a glass. "Right, so you've covered your hand with salt, then you lick off the salt –" and Daniel hated himself for sitting up for the licking action, but he did it anyway. Jack licked the salt off, and immediately downed the tequila. He slammed it down, and grabbed the nearest lemon slice.

Teal'c had raised an eyebrow at this flurry of actions. "But why the salt and lemons?" He asked.

"Have you smelled the tequila?" Daniel asked. "If not, you should."

Teal'c leaned over to smell, and immediately recoiled. "It does not smell very pleasant."

"Doesn't taste very pleasant either," Jack said once he was done with the lemon.

"The salt is to make you thirsty enough to down it, and the lemon is to counter the taste," Sam explained.

"I see. I do not think I want to take part in this. Someone else can have my glass," Teal'c said, shoving his glass to the centre of the table.

Jack immediately grabbed it, and a lemon slice. "If you don't want it, I will."

Daniel wanted to say something to stop him, as Jack seemed to be drinking way too much in his opinion, but Sam didn't seem very concerned whereas she normally was, and if there was going to be more licking of hands, well, Daniel was okay with that. He wasn't too sure of his own involvement though. Tequila didn't really agree with him. Actually, his problem was that it agreed a little too well with him. He had done shots back in his student days, and it always seemed to make him far drunker than anyone else. "I'm not too sure about this, guys, I don't want to mix my drinks too much."

"Don't be such a wimp, Daniel, come here." Before Daniel realised what was going on, Jack had licked his hand and put salt on it. "There, you have to do it now, otherwise you'll look like an idiot with salt on his hand."

Daniel just stared at his hand and at Jack. Who had just licked his hand. His hand. Daniel's hand. He was happy he wasn't the type who fainted when slightly excited, because he'd be on the floor if he was. Jack just grinned and put a shot glass in front of Daniel, with a lemon slice.

Sam had taken care of her own hand and was ready to go as well. "On three?" She proposed. "One, two and…"

Daniel quickly licked his hand and downed the tequila. Damn, that stuff was revolting. The lemon didn't help much, but it was something. Sam and Jack were done with the lemon before he was, but he refused to be bothered by it. He just had Jack lick his hand, he needed the reality check of sucking a lemon.

Sam opened the karaoke book again, and Teal'c returned the saltshaker to the barman. "So, what do you think of this one? It's a classic."

"Forget it Carter, you and Teal'c do Cher songs all you like, Daniel and I have more taste than that," Jack said, and slung an arm around Daniel's shoulders. "Isn't that right?"

Daniel spat out his lemon slice and just nodded. He didn't even notice that Jack had basically just agreed to doing karaoke on his behalf until Sam shoved the book in front of them, expecting them to pick out a song.

Jack kept the arm around Daniel, and used the other to flip through the book. Daniel was a bit too distracted by the touchy feelyness to really see what songs were being rejected.

"Too soppy, too stupid. Too girly… too soppy again. Daniel? What song do you think we should do? You gotta have an opinion, you've done this before," Jack said.

Daniel shrugged. "As long as it's within my range. Which excludes anything done by women."

"Means we don't get to do I Got You Babe, too bad," Jack said, mock-sad. "Come on, there's got to be something we can do together."

Daniel knew lots of things they could do together. Just not in public. The privacy of his bedroom, or Jack's bedroom would do, he wasn't picky. Just so long as the things were done in someone's bedroom. Although he was willing to be flexible re the location. Daniel was a reasonable man. He knew that the shower stall had its advantages. Couches and comfy chairs were suitable as well, but for what Daniel had in mind, the bedroom would be best.

"Oh, how about this one? Sounds just about perfect for us," Jack said, pointing at a song.

Daniel looked at the title. "You want to do Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?" Because if Jack did, Daniel would have to question his sanity.

"What? No!" Jack said indignantly. "How can you think that? No, the one under it."

Born To Be Wild. Well, it would be better than Wham! Daniel thought. "Okay." Wait, he just said okay. He had just okay to doing karaoke. What the hell was he thinking?

Jack closed the book, and went to find the karaoke guy. Naturally, Sam was wondering what they were going to sing, and naturally Daniel refused to tell. "Patience is a virtue, remember?"

Sam scowled at that. "Fine. If you and the Colonel want to surprise us, go ahead. We'll just have to guess, won't we Teal'c?"

"Indeed. I guess they have chosen a Whitney Houston song," Teal'c replied.

Sam giggled at that. "Oh, I'd pay good money to see either of you sing I Will Always Love You."

"Wrong, sorry. And no amount of money will ever have me sing that," Daniel said. Did they think he had no taste in music whatsoever?

"Ah, but what if there are aliens on a planet who're big fans somehow," Sam argued, "And that the only way of getting a treaty to trade naquadah with them is by having you sing I Will Always Love You?"

"Ignoring the fact that that's pretty much impossible, I would have to say that I would try to talk my way out of it," Daniel said, after sniggering at the idea. "And I would probably talk to the aliens into having you do it instead."

Sam smiled at that. "If that ever happens, I hope they also some wine or something. I'd never attempt Whitney Houston sober."

Jack slid back onto his seat. "What did I hear? Is Carter going to sing a Whitney Houston song?"

"No," Sam replied. "Daniel is."

"Daniel? Why, I'd never thought you were a fan! Figured you were more the Mariah Carey type, y'know, All I Want For Christmas. You can frolic in the snow." Jack said, sipping from the beer he had brought with him.

Daniel glowered quietly for a minute. "Well, I'm just happy they don't have opera karaoke."

"I think we are all happy they do not have such a thing," Teal'c said, eyeing Jack meaningfully.

"Don't know what you're talking about," Jack said innocently. "Come on Daniel, get another drink. Can't have you parched for our big number."

-o-o-

It wasn't too bad, and over before Daniel knew it. True, Jack seemed to be yodelling halfway through the song rather than singing, but Daniel wasn't much better either. There was laughter afterwards, and some applause and cries for an encore, but Daniel wisely ignored that and dragged Jack back to his seat. Sam was crying with laughter, and Teal'c was smiling.

"I'm glad you were amused," Daniel said as he sat down.

"If only I had brought a camera with me," Sam grinned. "The blackmail material would last me for ages."

"I doubt it," Jack said. "I have my ways." He moved his hands vaguely in a manner that was meant to be threatening.

"I'm sure you do, sir," Sam said, and looked at her watch. She was obviously surprised to see how late it was. "I think it's time I get myself home."

Teal'c checked his watch too and nodded. "I shall accompany you, MajorCarter. We can share a cab."

Sam nodded at that. "Are you going home as well?"

"In a while. I think I'll try to get Jack a bit more sober before we attempt to leave," Daniel said.

"Good luck with that then," Sam said, and with that the other two left the bar after saying goodbye to Jack.

Daniel got himself and Jack a glass of water. "Here, drink this."

Jack obediently did, but put it down after one gulp. "This is water," He complained. "Not alcohol."

"You had enough alcohol for one night, I think. And so have I," Daniel said.

"No such thing as too much alcohol," Jack muttered, but finished the water anyway. "Why're you so worried anyway?"

"Because I'll be sharing a cab with you to make sure you get home alright, and I don't want you vomiting all over me," Daniel replied.

"That happened once!" Jack argued. "Once! Years ago. Are you going to hold that against me forever?"

"Considering that I had to pay the cab driver extra to cover the cleaning, and that my shirt has never been same since, I think that yes, I will hold it against you. If I die again, I will haunt you so I can remind you of it." Daniel got up and put on his jacket. "Come on, let's go."

Jack followed him sullenly. "So, get a cab then." He elbowed Daniel.

"It's not my fault if we have to wait a while," He muttered.

"I could go back in and get another drink," Jack said dreamily. "The beer's good." He put his hands in his pockets. "Would keep out the cold too."

"You only think it keeps out the cold," Daniel replied. Why weren't there cabs at this time of night? Really. "But you're still cold. You just don't really feel it."

"So… I'm still cold even though I don't know it?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Maybe he should just call for a damn taxi rather than wait around here. He reached for his cell phone when suddenly Jack wrapped him in a bear hug. "What! What're you doing?"

"Sharing body heat," Jack said smugly. "You're cold, I'm cold, we just don't know it. So let's get warm!"

Daniel sighed, and continued to search for his cell phone. He couldn't get it out of his jacket what with the 'body heat sharing' Jack was doing. Nice words for what Daniel considered cruel and unusual torture. "Jack, I need to call a cab, can you let go so I can get my phone?"

"But I'd get cold!" Jack argued, and snuggled closer. There was no other word for it, this was definite snuggling. "What pocket is it in? I'll get it for you."

Daniel was pretty much dumbfounded by all this. He was tempted to say it was in the left front pocket of his trousers, but knowing a drunken Jack he'd reach into the pocket anyway. And Daniel didn't want to deal with that right now. "Inside pocket of my coat, it's on the left."

"Your left or my left?" Jack asked as he unzipped the coat.

"It doesn't matter! Your left and my left are the same!" Daniel exclaimed. "You're right behind me, any closer and you'd be IN this jacket with me!"

"Now there's an idea!" Jack said excitedly, cell phones forgotten.

"No! No it's not! It's a very bad idea!" Daniel exclaimed, trying to wrestle his way out of the snuggling, but Jack held on stubbornly.

"Keep still Daniel, I can't get your cell phone if you keep moving," Jack argued.

"Just make it quick, Jack. I don't want to stand here all evening," Daniel said. He wanted to go home, get into bed and pretend that a drunken touchy feely Jack meant something. Jack had better hurry up and find his cell phone. He slumped against Jack in defeat.

"I've got ya, Daniel, now, where's that pocket of yours?" Jack was pretty much feeling everywhere but at Daniel's pocket. "Are you sure you have an inside pocket at all? I can't find it."

"I think I know my own jacket," Daniel snapped. Dammit, why did he have to suffer from an annoyingly snugly Jack who was just… touching him everywhere? And why couldn't he just enjoy the touching rather than thinking 'he's only doing this 'cause he's a crazy drunk, Daniel, a sober Jack would never be all over you like this'. Why did he have to be rational all the damn time? He couldn't even enjoy a drunken grope without feeling slightly guilty. Well, why should he feel guilty? Jack was molesting HIM, not the other way round. He wasn't taking advantage of anyone here, and technically Jack was taking advantage of him. And Daniel found that he was very much in favour of that. And if Jack was embarrassed the next morning and felt guilty, that was fine. Not the preferable outcome, but a guilty Jack would be a Jack who would buy Daniel lunch. So it was a win win situation. If a drunken Jack wanted to grope, Daniel was fine with it. Either tomorrow morning Jack would want to do more groping, or Jack would feel so guilty he'd buy Daniel's lunches for a month.

Too bad Daniel's conscience wasn't being that rational. His guilt kept saying that there was no way a sober Jack would want to grope any part of Daniel, and that Daniel owed it to his friend to stop him. And his conscience was already feeling guilty over possibly guilting Jack into buying him lunch.

As Daniel pondered this, Jack continued his quest for Daniel's ever elusive cell phone. "I think I got… oh wait, that's a pen," He muttered, the hot breath on his neck making Daniel shiver. "I think… yes! Got it!" He handed Daniel the cell phone triumphantly, and zipped up Daniel's jacket. "Thanks for the body heat," He said, and backed off.

Daniel just stared at Jack for a moment, cell phone in hand. One minute Jack was all over him, the other moment he couldn't get away from him fast enough. Typical.

"Aren't you gonna call us a cab? I thought you didn't want to spend the night outside?"

"Oh, yes, right," Daniel quickly dialled the cab company, and heard that it would ten minute for the cab to arrive. Oh crap. Ten more minutes outside with an unpredictable Jack.

"What did they say?" Jack asked when Daniel hung up.

"There'll be one here in ten minutes," Daniel said morosely. The next ten minutes would be hell. Either Jack would get snugly again, or not, and Daniel would never know when the snuggling would happen. Or if it would happen, but the chance was there. Maybe he should just spare himself the mental torture and start the snugliness himself. Fake the drunk thing and grope Jack back. It was a tempting thought, but his conscience wouldn't let him do it. 'Molesting Jack would be wrong!' It argued. Wrong, and oh so much fun. Oh well.

-o-o-

Nothing eventful had happened in the ten minutes they were waiting, except that Jack kept mentioning food, which made Daniel hungry as well. He was happy when he saw the cab approach, and so was Jack. Jack decided to express this happiness by hugging Daniel tightly. "Not now, Jack, the cab's here!" Daniel hissed. The cab driver was looking at them strangely. Daniel looked as annoyed as possible. "He's drunk."

The cab driver nodded, and opened the door for Daniel so he could push Jack in. "If he pukes, you have to…"

"Yeah, yeah, it'll cost me, I know," Daniel said. He was less than happy. He gave the driver Jack's address, which shouldn't take them too long. He had pushed Jack to lean against the other window, so he could have some personal space at last.

"How much did he have?" The cab driver inquired, still a bit worried.

"Too much," Daniel replied.

"Not nearly enough!" Jack said. "Really, he dragged me out before it got good. He's such, a, a, crap friend, that's what he is."

"Really? Well, friends don't let friends drink way too much. From the looks of it, he's a good friend," The cab driver said.

Daniel looked smugly at Jack, who just snorted. "Two out of three think I'm a good friend, Jack. That's pretty good."

Jack leaned over. "Well, I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. I don't buy that two out of three ain't bad crap." He put his head on Daniel's shoulder. "Hey, your shoulder is comfy, you know that? Why didn't you tell me before?"

Daniel shared a look with the cab driver, who was more amused than Daniel was. "You never asked."

"Huh," Jack grunted. "Well, I wonder what other parts of you are comfortable." He patted Daniel's thigh. "The legs don't feel that bad either."

Don't don't don't don't Daniel chanted in his head. Don't you DARE put your head in my lap, don't you fucking dare.

The cab driver snorted at that. "He's pretty far gone. Hey, you need my uncle's special recipe to get people sober? It doesn't really work but it's revolting."

"I think I can manage that by myself, thanks though," Daniel replied, still chanting the don't don't don't.

"Well, I hope you know what you're doing," The cab driver said.

The rest of the journey was carried out in silence. Daniel figured Jack must've fallen asleep, head on Daniel's shoulder, hands in Daniel's lap. Daniel left it that way. He didn't want to risk waking him for something this trivial. And so long as Jack wasn't awake he wouldn't feel the effect he was having on Daniel. He tried to rationalise it. It was just Jack's head on his shoulder. It was just Jack's hands in his lap. It was just Jack's hands in his lap, and it was just his erection, and the two were WAY too close for comfort.

When the cab stopped in front of Jack's house, Jack suddenly jerked away. "We there?" He muttered sleepily.

"Yeah, we are," Daniel said, and paid the cab driver. It was a bit of a struggle to get Jack out of the cab, parts of him were still asleep but he managed to get Jack inside the house at last.

"Ah, my place!" Jack announced, and went into the kitchen. "You can go now, Daniel."

What? WHAT! Stupid damn snuggling outside a stupid damn bar and inside a stupid damn cab, and that was it? Thank you for getting me home safely, now fuck off? No way that was going to happen. Besides, from the way Jack was moving around in that kitchen, Daniel guessed he was getting yet another drink. He threw his jacket over a chair, and entered the kitchen. "No more booze, Jack, you had plenty."

"Hey, I told you to leave, you didn't listen. Now I'm not going to listen to you. Just leave me and my beer alone, Daniel, I'll be fine," Jack replied, beer in hand.

Daniel sighed. "Jack, drinking more beer isn't going to make you fine. You need to get some sleep, go to bed." Ah, Jack. Bed. Wonderful combination. Too bad Daniel wasn't a part of it. Ho hum, such was life.

Jack grumbled something. "Fine," He put the opened bottle back in the fridge. "Fine, you want me less drunk, you make me coffee then." He went to the living room, leaving Daniel.

"Coffee isn't going to make you better, Jack. It just dehydrates your brain, making the inevitable hangover much worse," Daniel said. "You just think you feel better."

Jack had made himself comfortable on the sofa. "Is this like the alcohol and cold thing again? Daniel, if I wanted to talk about scientific things, I'd have taken Carter home."

Daniel smiled at that. At least Jack preferred his company to that of Sam's. That had to mean something, considering how they had been mooning after each other a while ago. He could see what they saw in each other, hell, he was seeing it in Jack right now. And Sam was an attractive and intelligent women. He just couldn't see them in a long-term relationship. Jack needed someone who shared his sense of humour, and Sam needed someone who understood her passion for science. He figured that Sam would get fed up with Jack's disinterest sooner rather than later, and would probably shove a naquadah reactor down his throat if he made another crack about her pet projects. "I'll just get you some water then."

"No, no more water. I've had plenty of water today," Jack said grumpily.

Daniel didn't know why Jack's mood had changed. He seemed fine in the cab. Well, not fine. Apart from the weird snuggling he was fine. "I'll just make some lemonade then." He went back in the kitchen, and searched the fridge for lemonade, and the cupboards for some glasses. He didn't know how Jack liked his lemonade, but put in a generous amount. Better too sweet than too watery, he figured. When he turned to take the glasses to the living room, he was startled by Jack suddenly being right beside him. He took a step back, bumped against the counter and spilled most of the lemonade on his shirt. One of his better shirts even. Dammit, so much for trying to be more graceful around Jack. He already thought he was clumsy, and this was just another thing that supported that mistaken belief. Daniel dealt with fragile artefacts, and he had never broken one in his professional career. Maybe he should tell Jack that the next time he brought up the clumsiness. "Dammit, why did you sneak up to me?"

"I can't sneak around in my own kitchen?" Jack asked, trying to look innocent.

Daniel grumbled, and shoved the glasses into Jack's hands. "Here, drink that. I'll go put this in the laundry basket." He took off the shirt and checked the laundry instructions. They seemed fairly standard, good. The lemonade would probably wash out fine. When Daniel looked up, he saw Jack staring at him. "What? Is it that odd that I want to put my shirt in the laundry basket? You know about laundry right? It's what most people normally do with their dirty clothes."

"I know ALL about laundry, Daniel," Jack said, and left the kitchen with the lemonade.

Daniel had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Where did Jack have his laundry basket anyway nowadays? He followed Jack into the living room. "Where is your laundry?"

"What?"

"Laundry. Basket. For the shirt," Daniel waved the shirt in his face. Was Jack always this dense when he was drunk? Not as far as Daniel knew. Jack could be quite sneaky if he wanted to when he was drunk.

"Oh, it's in the hallway, I think." Jack gestured at a door.

Daniel opened the door, and sure enough, there was a basket half-filled with undone laundry. Daniel hoped some of the lemonade would spill onto Jack's clothes. He deserved it for the sneaking. And the snuggling. And for being Jack.

When he returned, Jack had put the glasses on the table. Daniel grabbed one when he joined Jack on the couch. "I hope you do your laundry some time tomorrow."

"Hmm?" Jack was looking at him strangely again. "Oh, look, lemonade."

Daniel figured Jack was having a dense phase. So far there had been the 'Doing stupid things' phase which included the karaoke. Then there was 'Annoyingly snugly' phase which had stopped now, fortunately. Or unfortunately, Daniel wasn't entirely sure. There was a short lived grumpy phase and now there was the dense phase. He put his empty glass on the table. "I think it's time we called it a night, Jack. We'd better get you to bed." Ah, Jack and bed. There was that wonderful combination again, and Daniel refused to think of the even better combination that had him in the middle. Sandwiched between Jack and his bed, life couldn't get better than that. Damn, now he had thought about the better combination. Dammit.

"Yes mom," Jack said, and picked up the glasses. Daniel watched him stumble off into the kitchen. Jack wasn't that steady anymore, which meant he would have to help him up the stairs. Daniel hated doing that. It meant too much physical contact, and Jack could be a heavy useless lump if he wanted to be. Jack walked out of the kitchen and to the hallway door. "Well? You coming? I distinctly heard a 'we' there."

You coming. We coming. Let's come together. Right now. Sooner the better and… that was so not what Jack was talking about. Crap. "Fine, fine. I didn't know you were in such a hurry to go to bed."

Jack glared at him. "I thought you'd be happy I was taking your advice."

Daniel rolled his eyes and slung Jack's arm around his shoulder. Damn spilled lemonade. As if physical contact wasn't bad enough with clothes on, he had to have it shirtlessly. If there was a God, Daniel was sure he had a big bowl of heavenly popcorn and was having a great time watching Daniel's struggle.

They climbed the stairs together, Jack's hand sliding from shoulder to waist, and Daniel thought there was a brief moment where Jack's hand had been on his ass, but he must've imagined it. No way Jack would ever feel Daniel up, no matter how drunk he got. They arrived at Jack's door, and Daniel opened it to get them in. It was neat and tidy, as Daniel had expected.

Jack immediately flopped down on the bed, face first. "Comfy," He muttered. "Very comfy."

Daniel was sure it was very comfy. It was also very frustrating to see Jack have such a good time in bed by himself. Especially if he kept lying on his stomach, which made it impossible for Daniel to look at anything but the ass. Very tempting. The ass and the bed. Daniel was getting tired himself. Tired from the long day, the drinks, the weird snuggling. He just wanted to get some sleep himself. And he sure as hell wasn't going to get any in this bed. Guestroom for him. "Hey Jack, you got the guestroom ready?"

"Hmmrf?" Jack mumbled, turning his face to look at Daniel. "Guestroom?"

"Yeah, I don't want to sleep on the couch. It's not that comfy, and I'd like to get some sleep tonight," Daniel told him.

"Guestroom's… not ready," Jack said. "Blankets're in the laundry basket downstairs."

"Well, I can just get them. They can't be that dirty," Daniel suggested. It would be better than the couch.

"The blankets were on top," Jack replied. "Well, now your lemonade shirt is. So unless you want sticky sheets and blankets, you can't use those."

Daniel didn't mind sticky sheets. Depended on what made them sticky though. Lemonade didn't really do it for him. Now, sheets that were sticky from some damn good sex, those he didn't mind. But that was not the case. He groaned. He knew what was going to be Jack's next suggestion. Yep, there it came.

"You can share with me. No problem. It's a big bed," Jack said, and crawled up. He took off his shoes and dumped them next to the bed. "See? Plenty of space. As long as you don't hog blankets."

"I never had any complaints," Daniel said, trying to think how to get out of this. He couldn't share a bed with Jack. He knew his subconscious would make his body end up on the other side of the bed. He had the tendency to do that, he knew that from Sha're and Sarah and other exes. They had never minded, but Jack would definitely mind waking up with his best friend all over him.

"Good! There're some sweats in the drawer over there, and throw me one too," Jack said, working on getting his shirt off. "Damn buttons!"

Daniel found himself standing by the dresser, drawer open. He was just getting himself some sweats, and then he'd sleep in the guestroom, even though there weren't any blankets. It might help him cool off a little. He threw a pair on the bed for Jack, and picked one out for himself. He looked at Jack on the bed, still trying to get the shirt over his head. Why hadn't he just unbuttoned the shirt? Couldn't he handle buttons in his condition? He didn't seem able to handle taking off the shirt anyway. He knew he was staring, but there was skin on display, and Jack's head was covered with shirt anyway. Jack would never know his friend was looking his fill and creating a couple of dirty little fantasies in his head. It was all Jack's fault for struggling with his shirt on the bed in the first place, because without that, Daniel would never have realised that there was a thing to be said for some mild bondage. He hoped Jack wasn't planning on wearing that shirt any time soon. It'd only remind Daniel of his urge to tie Jack up with the shirt. Or with anything else really. Tie him up with a tie, that'd work. Or use the tie as a blindfold? Hell, it was his fantasy. If he wanted to use a tie as a blindfold, he could.

"Damn stupid good for nothing shirt!" Jack grunted, and finally wrestled himself out of it, emerging triumphantly. He was panting a little, but threw the shirt on the floor with gusto. "Bad shirt! Bad!"

Daniel looked at Jack's reddened face and wondered if this was what he looked like after sex. Panting from the exertion but pleased at his triumph. It was a good look for him. He grabbed his pair of sweats, and went into the bathroom to change. He didn't want to take off any clothes in front of Jack. Who knew when that snugly phase returned. He threw his clothes on a pile in a corner, hoping Jack wouldn't mind too much. He splashed some cold water on his face and chest, hoping to cool off his thoughts a little. They weren't going to do him any good tonight, so he might as well ignore them. After making use of the toilet, he went back into the hall, and saw that Jack had made himself comfortable in the bed. Good, Jack must be asleep, and now he could think of another place to sleep. Jack probably had some extra blankets in the guestroom anyway.

"Daniel? You done in there?"

"Oh? Yeah, sure, I didn't know you were in any hurry to use the bathroom," Daniel replied. Stupid of him really. Of course Jack would at least want to take a piss after the amount of drinks he had.

Jack snorted, and moved the blankets so Daniel could climb in. "I was waiting for you to be done so I could get some sleep. Can't sleep if someone's about to get into bed with you." Jack rolled over to lie on his side, his back to Daniel.

Daniel opened his mouth to say something, but found he couldn't. If he left for the guestroom now, he'd have to explain it. Jack genuinely seemed to expect Daniel to crawl into bed with him. Oh god, not that he didn't want to, he wanted to, and that was the problem. He couldn't just crawl into the same bad as Jack! That would be the stupidest thing he could possibly do.

"You coming or what?" Jack asked, without turning to look at Daniel.

Oh god. Daniel wanted to come. He needed to come. Especially if Jack was involved in the coming. He felt like he was going crazy trying to decide what to do. Get in, stay out, get in, stay out. It was some sort of weird mental hokey pokey. He didn't know when he decided to climb into the bed, but he found himself doing so.

Jack turned to rearrange the blankets a bit more comfortably. "Took your time to get in, Daniel."

"I was just… thinking," Daniel said, lying on his back. Trying to figure out why he had climbed in anyway. Did he have a death wish or something? He didn't think so.

"You think too much," Jack said, and rearranged the blankets around Daniel, almost tucking him.

Daniel just held his breath. Jack was too damn close. Jack had no business tucking him in. Daniel was not a child, and Jack never seemed to realise it.

Jack lay down eventually on his side, and looked at Daniel. "You look worried."

"I don't want to talk about it," Daniel replied. Which was true. He really didn't want to talk about his worries with Jack. Not right now.

"Sure you do! You're worried, I'm your best friend, therefore you tell me your worries."

Daniel could feel Jack hitching closer, could feel the ghost of his breath on his bare shoulder. Dammit, this was not going well at all. Daniel scooted to the other side, away from Jack and his bare shoulder. His bare anything really.

"Daniel? You don't look very comfortable, what's wrong?" Jack asked, sounding genuinely concerned. And he moved closer again.

Couldn't the man take a hint? "I thought you wanted to go to sleep?" Daniel asked, managing to sound normal. He moved away again.

"Dammit, Daniel," Jack muttered, and snuck an arm around Daniel's waist to pull him closer. "You're worried, you're uncomfortable and you're not getting away from me, y'hear?"

Daniel was sure he was hyperventilating. Jack was hugging him again. Hugging him in bed. With bare skin involved. This was bad. This was very bad. If Jack got any closer, he would feel how bad Daniel had it for him. "I don't want to talk about it." He knew he sounded slightly sulky, but dammit, he didn't have the energy to pretend nothing was going on. Something was going on, yes, but he wasn't going to say anything.

Jack just hugged him closer, which was supposed to calm down Daniel but it had an opposite effect. "I'll talk about my worries if you tell me about yours."

That was supposed to entice him? Jack's worries were probably Sam-related. Sure, Daniel could see that they couldn't have a long-term thing, but Jack probably hadn't thought that far. Jack was probably more worried about how Sam felt about him, and whether or not retirement was a good idea. And how he should go about getting her to take the next step. Jack's worries were the boring worries of every heterosexual man, worried if the women he loved, loved him back. Nothing spectacular there. Certainly not worth sharing his own worries for. Jack wouldn't get it, best friend or not. "I don't want to talk about it," Daniel said again.

"You're not interested in my worries?" Jack asked, sounding sad.

"Not right now. I thought you wanted to sleep," Daniel replied. Not that he could sleep. Not with Jack hugging him tightly for no reason. Jack snorted, and Daniel felt it on his neck and shoulders. It was getting too much, especially when Jack moved both his hands to Daniel's waist, and pulled him closer. What the hell did he do that for? Was he going to hug Daniel tighter and tighter until he had smothered him? Jack could wait a long time before… oh, if that was what Daniel hoped it was… He looked at Jack.

"Surprise," Jack said, and grinned.

He could say that again! Daniel turned towards Jack, keeping the closeness. "Surprise right back at you," He whispered. Jack moved one hand towards Daniel's ass and snuggled even closer, and Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack, finally relaxing a little.

"Can't wait to have you in my bed when you're sober," Jack mumbled in Daniel's hair.

"Mmm, I'm sober enough right now," Daniel said. He was more than sober enough to do anything Jack wanted him to do. Especially if he kept caressing his ass like that, Jack was a natural.

Jack snorted. "I'm not buying that, Daniel. I know you. You had several beers and a tequila shot. We're not doing anything more than cuddling."

Daniel moved to look Jack in the eye. He had to be kidding. "Jack, you drank twice the amount I did. You did. And you're telling me I'm not sober enough to have sex?" They had two perfectly good erections right here, and they needed taking caring of. Daniel would happily take care of Jack's, why wouldn't he do the same? The nerve of the man! The presumptuous asshole! Just because Daniel couldn't hold his liquor as well as Jack didn't mean he wasn't in his right mind. He wanted this. Jack could feel how much he wanted this.

"Daniel, I don't want you to regret this in the morning, okay? I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you," Jack explained.

"Excuse me? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Seeing as how you're more drunk than I am? I'd be taking advantage of you if anything, and seeing as how you want me to take advantage of you, I'm not seeing the problem," Daniel said, brushing his cock against Jack's, making him groan.

"Don't make this harder than this is, Daniel." Jack grimaced at the bad pun. "I'm not taking advantage of you. You're drunk. We're not having sex, no matter how much we both seem to want it. Wait until the morning."

"What if I said I wanted you to take advantage of me?" Daniel asked. "Wrote it black on white? Signed it, filed it in triplicate and everything? Dammit, Jack, I need to get laid, and I need to get laid now!"

"I'm sure you feel that way now, Daniel, but things might be different in the morning. Let's just sleep together first and see what the morning brings, okay?" Jack moved to lay on his back, taking Daniel with him.

Daniel refused to sleep on this. Jack wanted him. He wanted Jack. Clear as daylight. "I don't want to sleep together, I want to have some damn good sex together."

"I know you feel that way now, Daniel, but maybe you –"

Daniel had had it with Jack's arguing, and decided to shut the man up the best way he knew. Kissing. It started off a bit strange, since Daniel was too angry, and Jack too surprised, but it shifted from being odd to being quite good in Daniel's opinion. Jack still had his mouth open, with suited Daniel just fine. He liked peacefully exploring other planets, but he was open to exploring new terrain on Earth as well. Daniel had expected Jack to flip him on his back, taking control of the kiss, but he seemed more than happy to have Daniel on top of him. Well, Daniel was happy with that too. Very happy, in fact, especially if Jack continued sucking on his tongue like that, oh yeah, let's see Jack arguing now that they shouldn't have sex. He gave Jack a couple of short kisses, ready to continue the argument.

He waited for Jack to open his eyes, but they didn't open after a couple of seconds and Jack started snoring softly as well, Daniel was livid. What kind of messed up reverse fairy tale was this? The handsome prince fell ASLEEP from kissing? That just wasn't right. And yet the calm rise and fall of Jack's chest showed otherwise. He was very much asleep, and Daniel wasn't going to change that. Not right now, anyway. But Jack was going to get a very rude awakening in the morning.

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	2. Jack's POV

Disclaimer: It all belongs to MGM etcetera.

Okay, so what was wrong with this picture? Granted, his mind was a little blurry right now. He really shouldn't have had the second tequila. It was all Teal'c's fault anyway, for some reason. And maybe he should've stopped after seven beers. Seven was more than enough anyway, especially with the two tequilas. TWO tequila shots. Was he insane? He was thinking that he might be. Especially when he had done karaoke. Yep, definitely insane. He would call Fraiser in the morning, to see if there was a nice padded cell free for him. Daniel would be all for it, and think of it as a revenge for the deal with whatshisname, with the little blue bugs.

There was something about Daniel… Oh! Right, Daniel was angry with him for some reason. But why?

-o-o-

Teal'c and Carter had been absolutely right. They hadn't had a good team night in WAY too long. And when Carter said she knew of a place, he wanted to check it out, especially when Carter explained Fraiser had told her about it. Fraiser knew her bars, it was bound to be good. Unfortunately Daniel had pointed out that they couldn't have a team night at noon. He said it was linguistically impossible. Jack didn't care. If he was going to deal with Daniel, he was going to need something to drink.

So they followed Daniel's unfortunately reasonable advice to meet up at ten at the bar Carter mentioned. Jack approved, the price for beer seemed reasonable and the music wasn't too shabby either. He was just beginning to think that it would be a great night when Daniel elbowed him and pointed out a sign. Karaoke Night. Oh crap. He hurried over to the bar to get another beer. He was going to need it. Why had Carter dragged them here? Why had Fraiser suggested this bar? He wondered how Teal'c would feel about the karaoke. He'd probably consider it another strange Tau'ri custom, and once again wonder why he had gotten involved with the Tau'ri in the first place. Jack certainly wondered the same thing. Jaffa probably didn't have karaoke.

"You that thirsty?" Daniel asked, pointing at his other beer.

Okay, maybe two beers at one time was over-doing it, but he really didn't like karaoke. ""No, but if there's gonna be karaoke at eleven, I need to have more beer."

Carter had the gall to ask him he was building up courage to sing. Hah! She'd wish. Wait a minute… what were the odds of Teal'c suggesting a team night just when Carter knew of a good bar? He eyed the other two. Could they have planned this? And for what reason? To get him to do karaoke? Hah. Fat chance of that.

He glared at her sternly. "'Course not. Just building up my ability to not be bothered by the bad singers."

He gulped down some of the beer when Teal'c suggested that the people here might actually be half-decent. He'd wish. They should be so lucky to be in the one bar with karaoke that was frequented by people who could actually sing. "Hah! I know karaoke. It's all about drunken people singing bad songs drunkenly. And the only way to enjoy it is by being drunk yourself." He took another big gulp. He had about fifty more minutes until the karaoke started, and he was going to need every minute of it.

"Karaoke is NOT about being drunk," Carter argued. "It's about having fun."

He snorted at that. "Yes, and the only way to have karaoke related fun is by being drunk. Trust me." Perhaps Daniel would back him up on this. "Daniel? You've been at university and college half your life. You must've been in karaoke bars, students are known for doing it." And boy, he would pay good money to see Daniel do karaoke. Perhaps if he could get Daniel drunk enough, he could get him to do some embarrassing eighties song.

"Er, well, I've only been in one a couple of times. But yeah, it's only fun if you're drunk and the people are bad drunken singers." Daniel shrugged. "It's no fun if someone can actually sing well."

Jack beamed smugly at Teal'c and Carter, who remained sceptical. "We'll see who's right and who has more fun. The two of you trying to get drunk ASAP, or me and Teal'c staying sober. Well, more sober at any rate."

Teal'c was firmly on Carter's side. "I am sure I will have a good time in this establishment, I do not require alcohol for that."

Well, Teal'c didn't exactly have a choice in that. His Goa'uld larvae prevented him from getting drunk. It was unfair, really. Teal'c had to endure karaoke night sober. Having a larvae really had its downsides sometimes. "Let's hear you say that in two hours. Karaoke will have started properly by then, never does until the first drunkards decide to sing. Like I said, no one sober is insane enough to do karaoke."

"We shall see, O'Neill," Teal'c said. It almost sounded like a threat, combined with the eyebrow raise.

He shrugged it off and got two more beers. If anyone asked, he would say the other one was for Daniel. Teal'c was just being Teal'c. Just Teal'c being Teal'c… and getting the karaoke book? And Carter looking through it with interest? Now that just wasn't right. He put the other glass in front of Daniel. And if it just happened to move over to his side, well, that was just a pure coincidence.

Daniel had spotted the strangeness of it too. "You guys aren't seriously going to sing, are you?"

"Of course we are. We're going to prove that sober people can have fun with karaoke too," Carter replied, and Teal'c nodded.

Oh crap. He didn't like the sound of that. "For crying out loud, Carter, I believe you. I don't need you and Teal'c singing some crap song to proof it." He drank from his third glass, and sneaked the fourth glass closer. Daniel didn't say anything about it, which was good. The more beers for him then.

"We shall demonstrate nonetheless, O'Neill." Teal'c pointed at the book, and Carter seemed to agree with his choice.

"We'll do that one. It's perfect," Carter said. Jack doubted it. There was no song perfect for karaoke. Especially not if Carter and Teal'c were going to do it. He had to work with them!

Daniel seemed more curious about the song. "Which one is it?" He asked.

Carter had the better reflexes and shut the book before he got a peep. "You'll just have to have patience, But I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised." Teal'c and she went to inform whoever was in charge that they had chosen a song. Jack doubted he would be pleasantly surprised. He was already surprised at the two of them wanting to do karaoke.

"Seriously, T, which song have you chosen?" Jack asked. That way he could do some mental preparing. Teal'c just looked at him, and said nothing. "Carter? I'll order you to tell me if I have to."

Carter took a sip of her wine. "Off-duty, sir. And patience is a virtue after all."

"I've never been virtuous in my life, and I don't intend to start now. So just give it up before I have to resort to other tactics," He threatened. Okay, so his tactic consisted of ordering Daniel to tickle her to death until she spilled, it was still a decent tactic.

"Why am I not surprised to hear that," Carter said, and shared a glance with Daniel and Teal'c.

"Hey!" Jack didn't have a good reply for it, but he knew it was an insult. "It's not like YOU have any patience with your technical doodads!"

"At least my first plan is not 'let's blow it up' if a door doesn't open." Carter said to no one in particular.

"A door is not a technical doodad, Carter, doesn't count," Jack replied. Why didn't Daniel say something to help him? Sure, stay neutral. Be Switzerland. Enjoy your chocolate and cuckoo clocks.

"We have come across some very advanced doors, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "Some of them have proven to be quite difficult to operate."

"Like the door on P4X-689," Carter continued. "That was very difficult to operate, wasn't it sir?"

Jack grumbled as he finished his third beer and decided to start on the fourth, since it was here right in front of him and everything. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know the door was supposed to open to the inside rather than the outside.

"At least the people treated us with a lot more respect after that," Daniel said. Aha! Finally, Daniel wakes up to say something in defence of his best friend. About damn time too. "If Jack hadn't blown the door up, they might never have wanted to trade with us."

"They only wanted the C4, Daniel. They just thought the explosion looked pretty. Still, they had some useful things," Carter admitted.

Jack eyed the clock. It was getting close to eleven, and any minute now one of the bartenders was going to announce the first drunken contestant. Would getting a fifth beer be pushing it? He decided to let it depend on the quality of the first singer. If the first singer was obviously drunk, it was a sign that Jack should get drunk as well.

Too bad the first singer was a young girl who was doing karaoke did fairly well. He ignored Teal'c's and Carter's smug glances, they would get theirs when they had to sing. He hummed along with the next couple. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near. He never got that feeling when he'd been in love with someone. Oh, sure, he could relate to wanting to be close, but he had never spotted any birds being nearer. He usually had better things to do than bird-spotting anyway. He eyed Daniel. Linguist-spotting was much more fun. Allowed for interaction, though not the kind he would prefer. Still, he had never managed to piss off a bird the way he pissed off Daniel, which to him meant that Daniel was infinitely better than birds. He drank from his fourth beer, and saw Daniel go to the bar. Hmm, maybe he should've left him the drink anyway. This wasn't making him look any better. He'd better get Daniel another beer later on, and make sure he didn't drink it instead.

He did his best to ignore the next couple of singers, who confirmed his drunken karaoke theory. They were able to stand, but that was about it.

"So, when's your turn?" Daniel asked.

Good question. When would Teal'c and Sam embarrass the hell out of themselves. Dammit, next time he would have to bring a camera. Or a sound recorder. Something he could use for leverage next time Carter brought up the door incident in public again.

Carter was about to say something, and Jack would bet his next two beers it was 'patience is a virtue' when the karaoke guy made an announcement. "And next to sing a song are Sam and Murray. Please give them a warm applause, ladies and gentlemen!"

Daniel elbowed him. What? Oh, maybe he didn't like Jack sneaking beer to himself again. Whoops. "They're up!" Teal'c and Sam?

"Dammit, I was hoping it wasn't their turn yet! Four beers is not enough to deal with friends doing karaoke!" It wasn't. Maybe if he just took a really big gulp from Daniel's beer. His was empty and he needed it more. He could buy Daniel two beers later.

It turned out that the last minute gulp hadn't been necessary. Carter and Teal'c did 'I Got You Babe' fairly well. Next to him, Daniel sniggered. "'I Got You Babe'," He said. "Think they're trying to tell us something?"

He snorted at that idea. Carter and Teal'c? Never. They both were too busy to have anything like a love life. Carter spent all her time with naquadah reactors, which just couldn't be healthy. She really need a more normal hobby. Why hadn't she liked his knitting idea? Sarah had always said it was quite relaxing. Or maybe that was just a ploy to get him to knit his own socks. "Doubt it. Still, they're not bad. Better than some of the others, anyway."

They were certainly getting theatrical. Carter was swooning over Teal'c, although Jack had no reference for Carter's swooning habits to see how bad this was. And Teal'c had slung an arm around her shoulder. It was quite sweet, in a sickening way. And he just knew that the two of them would team up to get him and Daniel to do the same thing. And as much as he liked the idea of Daniel swooning over him, he'd rather not do it whilst singing some soppy song. "Daniel? Let's make a pact. Let's promise each other that no matter what happens tonight, neither of us is going to come anywhere NEAR that machine." If Teal'c and Carter were teaming up, so were he and Daniel, damn them.

Daniel was taking his sweet time thinking about, much to Jack's annoyance. Surely it wouldn't that difficult a decision? But eventually he agreed, and they toasted to their pact.

-o-o-

Unfortunately, the pact had failed. Jack blamed the tequila. And Teal'c for not drinking his tequila. He also blamed Carter for being a manipulative sneak, and Daniel for not putting up more of a fight. He supposed he could blame himself, but decided that he had blamed enough people already. Wait, he hadn't blamed the guy in charge of the karaoke. He deserved some blame too.

It all started after Carter had suggested My Sharona. He had said no, no to My Sharona and no to karaoke in general. He liked My Sharona, so he was not going to butcher it.

Then Teal'c had proposed a deal. Tequila in exchange for singing. It sounded fair to Jack, but only if Teal'c got the drinks and he and Daniel got to think about their answer afterwards. Jack didn't need to do much thinking, his answer was a firm 'no' anyway. He didn't know what Daniel's answer was, but he hoped it was quite firm too. And there went his dirty mind. The alcohol wasn't doing him much good in that department. Which beer was this? Six or seven? And did it matter?

Daniel spluttered for a bit. What, did he really think Jack was going to say yes after one tequila shot. He was NOT that easy. Well, depending on the person really. If Daniel got him tequila, he'd be very easy.

"We're just gonna say no after the shot. Easy. If Teal'c wants to buy us drinks, I'm not stopping him," He said. "I'm all for other people buying me drinks." Especially if Daniel did it. The man got paid enough. Jack bought him drinks. Okay, so they ended up on his part of the table, but the thought still counted.

"I noticed," Daniel said icily. Oh, what was that supposed to mean? Was that Daniel's way of saying 'you bought me a beer and then drank it yourself, you asshole'? Cause that was bad. He didn't want Daniel thinking of him as a selfish asshole. He'd be nicer to Daniel from now. Show him he wasn't a selfish asshole. Unless it came to alcohol. Then it was every man for himself. All was allowed in love, war and alcohol.

Teal'c slammed the glasses on the table and Carter had brought the salt and the lemons. Efficient as always, his team. "Everybody's done this before?" She asked.

"I have not. What is the use of the lemons and the salt?" Teal'c asked. Oh boy, was he in for a treat.

Jack figured that he might as well explain tequila shots to Teal'c. And what better way then by doing a demonstration? "Oh, you're about to find out what the lemons are for. Just follow my lead." He licked his hand, and then checked to see if Teal'c was following. He wasn't. "I said follow my lead, Teal'c, not look at me like I've grown a second head." Surely hand-licking wasn't that weird? From the corner of his eye he saw Daniel looking weirded-out too. Come on! Surely Daniel had done tequila shots before? After decades in a student environment, he had to have. Still, time to move on to the next step. "Okay, so then you put salt on your hand." Again he checked to see if Teal'c was following his instructions. "And you're still not following my lead, Teal'c."

"I believe I shall wait until you are done before I do so," Teal'c said. Pff, where was the fun in that? As soon as Teal'c realised the lemon slice had to be sucked, he'd bow out. And he really wanted to know what Teal'c thought of the tequila, even if it didn't have an effect on him.

He glared at Teal'c, and got himself a glass to continue the demonstration. Even if Teal'c didn't do the tequila shot, he would know about this strange Tau'ri custom as well. "Right, so you've covered your hand with salt, then you lick off the salt." And he immediately reached for the glass and the lemon slice. Damn, vile, vile stuff. At least the slice made it better.

"But why the salt and lemons?" Teal'c asked with his eyebrow raised. Yep, Teal'c had definitely filed this under 'strange Tau'ri customs that make NO sense'.

Daniel pushed a tequila glass towards him. "Have you smelled the tequila? If not, you should." Smelling tequila? Please, that was the quickest way to convince someone not to drink it!

"It does not smell very pleasant," Teal'c said, after trying it. He had never seen Teal'c recoil that fast from something.

He put the slice in his shot glass. "Doesn't taste very pleasant either."

Carter of course went with a more scientific explanation. "The salt is to make you thirsty enough to down it, and the lemon is to counter the taste." He hoped she wouldn't start talking about taste buds.

"I see. I do not think I want to take part in this. Someone else can have my glass," Teal'c said, pushing the glass away.

Well, if no one else was going to drink it, he might as well. It would be a shame to let the tequila go to waste. And else Daniel might drink it, and he wasn't going to let Daniel get too drunk. One of them had to keep a level head if they were going to do any karaoke avoiding. It was for Daniel's own good.

"I'm not too sure about this, guys, I don't want to mix my drinks too much," Daniel said. Now hang on! Teal'c did not get these drinks to let two of them go to waste! One tequila shot never hurt anyone.

"Don't be such a wimp, Daniel, come here." Jack grabbed Daniel's hand, and licked it for him. Avoiding Daniel's eyes he put salt on it too, and hoped the whole hand-licking hadn't grossed Daniel out. If Daniel didn't like Jack licking his hand, he probably didn't like the idea of Jack licking other bits of Daniel either. "There, you have to do it now, otherwise you'll look like an idiot with salt on his hand." Daniel just continued to stare at him like he had two heads.

"On three?" Carter suddenly asked. She must've prepared her own hand as well, probably thinking that if she wasn't fast enough Jack was going to do it for her. Pfsh, like he was going to lick Carter's hand. "One, two and…"

Nope, tequila did not taste better the second time. He sucked on his lemon a bit longer too, trying to get the taste away. Maybe he should've had a beer lined up, although that might've been pushing it alcoholwise.

After he'd dumped the lemon slice in the shot glass again, and Teal'c had gone to the bar to return the salt, Carter had put the karaoke book in front of him. "So, what do you think of this one? It's a classic." Oh gods, she was still in the 'let's suggest embarrassing songs in the hopes they'll sing it' stage? What was she thinking? Like he would ever sing Turn Back Time in front of a crowd! He was not that stupid. And he was sure that Daniel wasn't either.

"Forget it Carter, you and Teal'c do Cher songs all you like, Daniel and I have more taste than that." And then he slung an arm around Daniel. For some reason. He couldn't remember thinking he wanted to do that. Well, obviously he wanted to touch Daniel as often as possible, but not so much that it was noticeable. This friendly arm shoulder slinging was not noticeable enough, thank God. But he had to keep his drunken mind in check. He couldn't just touch Daniel any place he liked. Because those places would be damn noticeable. "Isn't that right?"

Daniel nodded along with him. Wait a minute, hadn't he just pretty much agreed to DO karaoke? What had he been thinking? Carter moved the karaoke book towards. Oh crap, he HAD just agreed to do karaoke. Maybe he could plead temporary insanity.

He flipped through the book. Ah, there was the birds suddenly appearing again. Too soppy. He said so to Daniel, who wasn't responding. Oh dear. Daniel must be really upset if he wasn't replying. "And this is just too stupid." Like he was going to sing Waterloo! And Hit Me Baby One More Time? Puh-lease. "Too girly…" Daniel still wasn't talking. Yep, definitely angry. He just patted him on the shoulder. The Divinyls? I Touch Myself? Oh yeah, he did that a LOT but he wasn't going to sing about it in public. His sad pathetic sex life was his own, thankyouverymuch. And singing it WITH the person he thought about. Nuh uh. Not ever. "Too soppy again." He didn't like Daniel being this quiet. "Daniel? What song do you think we should do? You gotta have an opinion, you've done this before." Maybe Daniel could come up with some genius excuse to get them out of this. The man didn't have a sky-high IQ for nothing.

The genius just shrugged. "As long as it's within my range. Which excludes anything done by women." Oh great, now that was some help.

"Means we don't get to do I Got You Babe, too bad," He said sarcastically. "Come on, there's got to be something we can do together." Besides having fantastic hot sex. Oh, wait, that was only in his mind. Dammit. He looked at the book again. How many damn eighties songs did one bar need? Hey, that one was kinda alright. "Oh, how about this one? Sounds just about perfect for us."

"You want to do Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?"

"What? No!" The idea that Daniel might think he would even want to do that appalled him. . "How can you think that? No, the one under it." Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Hah. Daniel definitely had had too much to drink. He left Daniel and went to find the karaoke guy.

"Hey there! Were you able to make a choice?" The bartender smiled and took the book.

"Yeah, that one," Jack said, pointing at Born To Be Wild.

The bartender looked at the book, and then at Jack again. "Huh, I'd never have imagined someone like you would be a Wham! fan."

"No! The one underneath!" Dammit, what was it today with people thinking he liked Wham? He ordered another beer. He would need it if he was going to do karaoke.

Upon his return, he heard Carter mention Whitney Houston. "What did I hear? Is Carter going to sing a Whitney Houston song?" Because if she was, he was really going to have a talk with the bartenders, see if they didn't have a recorder.

"No," Carter replied. "Daniel is." Oh! That would work too.

"Daniel? Why, I'd never thought you were a fan! Figured you were more the Mariah Carey type, y'know, All I Want For Christmas. You can frolic in the snow." He bet Daniel would be incredibly adorable frolicking in the snow. There could be a snow fight, and making of snowmen. And afterwards there would be the discarding of the wet clothes and snuggling up in front of a fire with hot cocoa. With rum. And marshmallows. And more snuggling.

Daniel glared at him for that. What? Didn't he like snow? "Well, I'm just happy they don't have opera karaoke."

Teal'c nodded. "I think we are all happy they do not have such a thing."

Oh, sure, throw the opera thing in his face! "Don't know what you're talking about," He said, deciding to just ignore it. "Come on Daniel, get another drink. Can't have you parched for our big number." And get more drunk too! Let's see you without inhibitions!

-o-o-

Born To Be Wild was a lot more difficult than he remembered. And he would've sworn the lyrics were different too. Still, at least Daniel wasn't tons better than he was. He would say they were about equally bad. And it also proved his point that the audience LOVED drunken karaoke singers, since they applauded wildly and demanded an encore. Daniel didn't seem to want to do one, and dragged him back to his seat where their team-mates were doing their version of howling with laughter. Teal'c was just smiling, but Carter actually had tears on her face.

"I'm glad you were amused," Daniel said crankily. Ouch. Sounded like Daniel didn't much like the enforced karaoke. Oh dear, he had a LOT of making up to do from the sounds of it.

"If only I had brought a camera with me," Carter said. "The blackmail material would last me for ages." You and me both! And surely the sight of Carter and Teal'c doing 'I Got You Babe' was way better blackmail material than their horrible version of 'Born To Be Wild'?

And besides, like Carter would ever beat him when it came to being sneaky and evil. "I doubt it, I have my ways." He made some hopefully spooky hand movements, but he could tell that Carter wasn't impressed.

"I'm sure you do, sir," Carter said, and snorted. Then she checked her watch, and was obviously surprised. "I think it's time I get myself home."

Jack checked his own watch. It was only half past one! That was nowhere near late. For Teal'c however, it was. Looked like it was just him and Daniel staying. Well, that suited him just fine.

Jack waved as the two left to get a cab, and was surprised to find Daniel putting a glass in front of him. Had Daniel finally decided to get his friend something to drink? Things were looking up! "Here, drink this." He certainly did. Don't let it be said that he wouldn't take advice, as long as it was sound advice.

He took a big gulp, and put it down in disappointment. "This is water. Not alcohol."

Daniel just kept standing besides him, looking over his glasses like he was some sort of stern schoolteacher. Mmm, that was a new fantasy. It had potential. "You had enough alcohol for one night, I think. And so have I." Well, Daniel certainly had had enough alcohol. If he was anywhere near sober, he wouldn't have done the karaoke!

"No such thing as too much alcohol." It was a great way of dealing with Daniel. At least if he was drunk and did stupid things like touching Daniel inappropriately he had an excuse. He finished the water anyway, to make Daniel happy. "Why're you so worried anyway?"

"Because I'll be sharing a cab with you to make sure you get home alright, and I don't want you vomiting all over me," Daniel replied.

That was entirely the driver's fault. No corner should EVER be done in the fourth gear, he was sure of it. "That happened once! Once! Years ago. Are you going to hold that against me forever?" He'd rather have Daniel hold other things against him. Like oh, maybe HIMSELF? But that would involve Daniel getting a clue and he didn't see that happen anytime soon.

"Considering that I had to pay the cab driver extra to cover the cleaning, and that my shirt has never been same since, I think that yes, I will hold it against you. If I die again, I will haunt you so I can remind you of it. Come on, let's go," Daniel said, and got their jackets.

The thought of Daniel dying didn't make him very happy. But at least Daniel said he was going to visit him, which was sort of a positive thing again. Although ghosts couldn't really touch each other, could they?

When they got outside, Jack noticed the complete lack of cabs. "So, get a cab then." Not that he expected Daniel to conjure up a cab from nowhere, but it was Daniel's idea to leave the bar, so it was Daniel's responsibility to get them a cab. That was logic.

"It's not my fault if we have to wait a while," Daniel argued.

Jack had to admit that it wasn't, but it still wasn't fair on them. It was rather chilly outside. "I could go back in and get another drink. The beer's good." He huddled deeper into his jacket. "Would keep out the cold too."

"You only think it keeps out the cold. But you're still cold. You just don't really feel it," Daniel replied, looking anxiously up and down the street. Still no cabs.

So, getting more alcohol wasn't a good plan. "So… I'm still cold even though I don't know it?" Because then he would need another plan to get warm. Let's see… basic survival skills, how to get warm. Of course! Body heat! If Daniel said something about it later on, he would use his 'I was drunk and I had NO idea of what I was doing' excuse. It was brilliant, and foolproof.

"Yes," Daniel said, as Jack snuck up and held him tightly. Yep, he was feeling warmer already. "What! What're you doing?" Wasn't it obvious?

"Sharing body heat," He informed Daniel. "You're cold, I'm cold, we just don't know it. So let's get warm!" And if Daniel didn't like the snuggling to get warm, he had some other ideas lined up.

Daniel started fidgeting in his grasp. Why? He didn't really seem to be struggling to get out, which he took as a good sign. "Jack, I need to call a cab, can you let go so I can get my phone?"

What? Let go? Now that he had Daniel finally in his arms AND a good excuse? He didn't think so. Plus, this cell phone hunt sounded like another good excuse for touching Daniel. "But I'd get cold! What pocket is it in? I'll get it for you." Please say trouser pocket, please say trouser pocket. Front or back, he didn't much care.

"Inside pocket of my coat, it's on the left," Daniel replied. Dammit. No groin groping.

"Your left or my left?" He asked, and started unzipping the coat. As he asked it, he realised what a stupid question it was. Crap! He didn't want Daniel thinking he was a complete idiot. Still, it definitely showed how drunk he was. All the more reason for Daniel to believe the excuse if he had to use it.

"It doesn't matter! Your left and my left are the same!" Crap, Daniel really DID think he was that stupid. Well, he'd blame the alcohol for that. "You're right behind me, any closer and you'd be IN this jacket with me!"

"Now there's an idea!" Wait, had he said that out loud? Whoops.

"No! No it's not! It's a very bad idea!" Daniel started struggling to get away, but Jack held on anyway. He was going to get that cell phone, even if it killed him.

"Keep still Daniel," He said. "I can't get your cell phone if you keep moving."

Daniel slumped against Jack, probably in defeat. "Just make it quick, Jack. I don't want to stand here all evening." Well, tough luck. Jack was more than happy to stand here in the cold all evening if it meant he could feel up his linguist's upper body like this. He should've used the 'I was drunk!' excuse before. It was working very well.

"I've got ya, Daniel," Jack said. "Now, where's that pocket of yours? Are you sure you have an inside pocket at all? I can't find it." And certainly not for lack of trying. Jack was pretty sure he had felt everywhere. Hmm, maybe he should try searching the inside of the jacket rather than Daniel's chest.

Daniel snapped at him. "I think I know my own jacket."

Damn, Daniel was getting annoyed with it now. He'd better find the cell phone before Daniel bit his head off. "I think I got… oh wait, that's a pen." He felt Daniel shiver. That decided it, if Daniel was getting cold, it wasn't worth it. He felt a big lump, that must be it. It couldn't be another pen. "I think… yes! Got it!" He gave Daniel the cell phone and zipped up the jacked, then backed off. "Thanks for the body heat," He said cheerfully. Hopefully Daniel would get warm again now, without his jacket open.

And rather then getting them a cab, Daniel just stared at him strangely. Yep, the snuggling had weirded Daniel out. Curses. He would have to change the subject. Ah! Right, cabs. "Aren't you gonna call us a cab? I thought you didn't want to spend the night outside?"

"Oh, yes, right."

Jack watched as Daniel dialled the cab company and tried to listen in on the conversation but he couldn't really figure it out. "What did they say?"

Daniel looked rather annoyed. "There'll be one here in ten minutes."

Jack figured that Daniel was annoyed because of the snuggling, and resolved not to hug him again, but when the cab approached he decided to do it anyway, just to annoy Daniel a little bit more. Oh, wait, he had a plan to be nice to Daniel. Well, hugging was nice, wasn't it?

"Not now, Jack, the cab's here!" Daniel hissed. Jack looked at the cab driver and grinned. "He's drunk." Like the driver hadn't realised that by now. He got out, and helped Daniel to get Jack into the car. Oh, please, like he couldn't get himself into a car! He allowed Daniel to push him against the other window.

He listened to the cab driver warning Daniel about vomiting. Hmpf, he hadn't had THAT much. "How much did he have?"

"Too much." Sure, from Daniel's POV maybe.

"Not nearly enough! Really, he dragged me out before it got good. He's such, a," Words could not describe what Doctor Jackson was. A damn tease, maybe? "A crap friend, that's what he is."

"Really? Well, friends don't let friends drink way too much," The driver said. What did he know? "From the looks of it, he's a good friend."

Daniel grinned at Jack. "Two out of three think I'm a good friend, Jack. That's pretty good."

Jack glared at Daniel as he looked smug. "Well, I'm an all or nothing kinda guy. I don't buy that two out of three ain't bad crap." He really didn't. Just a random example here: Say Daniel was naked and conscious in his bed. That was good, right? But he still wasn't willing, which was sort of the key to good sex. And what if Daniel was willing and naked, but not conscious? That wouldn't get them anywhere either! And as for willing and conscious, well, that could work, but clothes still got in the way. So really, two out of three did not work. He had leaned over, and decided to get back to being snugly and put his head on Daniel's shoulder. It was surprisingly comfy. "Hey, your shoulder is comfy, you know that? Why didn't you tell me before?"

Daniel muttered that he had never asked. Well, it wasn't exactly the sort of thing you asked in a normal conversation. "Well, I wonder what other parts of you are comfortable." Let's see… what other part of Daniel would be comfortable as well? The legs? He petted Daniel's thigh. Oh yeah, that felt very comfortable. "The legs don't feel that bad either."

He heard the cab driver snort at that derisively when he closed his eyes. The driver could think what he wanted. He had his head on Daniel's shoulder, and his hands in his lap. He was pretty happy.

He must've dozed off, because the next thing he remembered was the cab stopping suddenly. "We there?"

"Yeah, we are," Daniel said, and helped Jack out of the car. The short nap hadn't really done him any good. He just wanted more sleep, and was feeling a little grouchy.

"Ah, my place!" He walked into the kitchen. Maybe another drink would get him back to normal. "You can go now, Daniel." And it was probably for the best anyway. He had done quite a lot of inappropriate touching, and the 'I was drunk!' excuse was probably stretching it. He didn't think it would cover, say, kissing Daniel suddenly. And he wouldn't put it past himself to go and do that. He obviously wasn't thinking with his right brain now.

Daniel had followed him into the kitchen. "No more booze, Jack, you had plenty."

What did Daniel know about Jack getting plenty? Daniel wasn't the one who needed to be drunk so he had an excuse to touch his friend. Daniel could just touch Jack and it wasn't weird at all. Not that Daniel ever DID. "Hey, I told you to leave, you didn't listen. Now I'm not going to listen to you. Just leave me and my beer alone, Daniel, I'll be fine." He certainly would be, after he finished this beer and got into bed. Alone. And wake up alone. And miserable, no doubt.

Daniel didn't budge. "Jack, drinking more beer isn't going to make you fine. You need to get some sleep, go to bed."

Good idea Daniel! Let's go to bed! Except… obviously not together. That would actually make Jack's life better, wouldn't it? Can't have that. "Fine." He walked into the living room and let himself fall on his sofa. "Fine, you want me less drunk, you make me coffee then."

"Coffee isn't going to make you better, Jack. It just dehydrates your brain, making the inevitable hangover much worse. You just think you feel better," Daniel replied from the kitchen.

Couldn't the man just do one thing Jack asked him? Just once? "Is this like the alcohol and cold thing again?" Because that had sounded a bit too much like science. "Daniel, if I wanted to talk about scientific things, I'd have taken Carter home." And no doubt she would've bored his mind with explaining some of her latest research. What the hell had he been thinking, flirting with her like that? It was a good thing Hammond hadn't caught on. Sure, Carter was attractive, and nice and smart and all those nice qualities, but she was CARTER. He didn't think they could have much of a relationship if he kept calling her Carter and she kept calling him 'Sir'. Although those sort of bedroom games could be a turn on, he supposed. With the right person.

"I'll just get you some water then," The right person said.

What, more water? Geez, he wasn't a fish or something. "No, no more water. I've had plenty of water today."

"I'll just make some lemonade then," Daniel called out.

Did Daniel even know where he kept the lemonade? Maybe he should help him. And maybe already apologise for all the stupid things he had done. Like the karaoke. And the snuggling. And the feeling up during the snuggling. That was incredibly inappropriate. He couldn't wait to get another chance. He sighed, and got up from the couch and walked into his kitchen. He was about to say something when Daniel turned around and then stepped back, obviously startled. He decided not to say anything after all when Daniel spilled the lemonade on his shirt.

"Dammit, why did you sneak up to me?" Daniel asked.

Oh sure, blame it on him! It wasn't his fault Daniel was easily startled. "I can't sneak around in my own kitchen?"

Daniel just shoved the glasses into Jack's hand, and started taking the shirt off. "Here, drink that. I'll go put this in the laundry basket." Jack just nodded. Sure, drink, laundry whatever. There was skin on display here! Daniel looked up from studying the shirt, and caught Jack staring. Crap. Could he blame this on the drunkenness? "What? Is it that odd that I want to put my shirt in the laundry basket? You know about laundry right? It's what most people normally do with their dirty clothes."

Good! Daniel obviously thought he was being stupid. "I know ALL about laundry, Daniel." What the hell? That hadn't even made sense! He shook his head as he walked back to the sofa. Today was not his sense-making day. "What?" He asked, when he noticed Daniel was looking at him expectantly.

"Laundry. Basket. For the shirt!" Oh, right. The shirt. Which Daniel was not wearing right now. Wouldn't be wearing for a while if Jack had a say in it. Not that he had anything against the shirt, he just had a lot against Daniel in a shirt.

"Oh, it's in the hallway, I think." And if it wasn't, it was probably near the hallway. And at least he could think somewhat normally without the shirtless Daniel around. He put one glass on the table and started to drink his lemonade, or what was left of it. Hmm, bit too sweet, but not all bad. He emptied it, and by the time he put it back on the table, Daniel was back, shirtlessly. And he joined Jack on the sofa, still shirtless. Then he shirtlessly finished the lemonade, and Jack told himself that there were other things to think about Daniel that weren't shirtless. There was annoying, for one. And gorgeous. And sexy. And shirtless. He wasn't really getting anywhere with that train of thought.

"I hope you do your laundry some time tomorrow."

Laundry? "Hmm?" Why the hell would he want to do laundry if he could have Daniel around being all shirtless? Better to change the subject again. "Oh, look, lemonade."

"I think it's time we called it a night, Jack. We'd better get you to bed." We? Bed? Oh, he should be so lucky!

He picked up the glasses. "Yes mom," He said, and walked into the kitchen. Hmm, less steadier than he would've preferred. Still, he had had a couple of drinks, he had a good excuse. He looked at Daniel, who was still sitting shirtlessly on the sofa. "Well? You coming?" Once again, Jack should be so lucky to be involved in that. "I distinctly heard a 'we' there."

Daniel didn't look too happy at that. "Fine, fine. I didn't know you were in such a hurry to go to bed."

What did Daniel want? Did he want Jack safely in bed or not? "I thought you'd be happy I was taking your advice," Jack said, as Daniel slung his arm around his shirtless shoulder. He figured he might as well go further with the inappropriate touching. Daniel hadn't actually complained about any of it that much so far. He let his arm fall to Daniel's waist, which was nice. But there was a very tempting ass in the vicinity, and he couldn't pass that up, could he? Just a brief brush Daniel would never even notice.

They arrived at Jack's bedroom before he got the chance to do it again, and as soon as Daniel opened the door, he let himself fall on the bed. "Comfy. Very comfy." Maybe he could convince Daniel to experience the comfiness with him? Daniel must be sleepy too by now.

"Hey, Jack?" Daniel asked from somewhere behind him, and Jack turned to look at him. He only moved his head. Anything else involved too much effort. "You got the guestroom ready?" Damn! The guestroom.

"Hmmrf?" He replied. He had to keep to Daniel out of the guestroom. "Guestroom?" He bought himself some time to think. How could he keep Daniel out of the guestroom, and in here?

"Yeah, I don't want to sleep on the couch. It's not that comfy, and I'd like to get some sleep tonight." Good, so Daniel didn't want the couch at all. Good.

"Guestroom's… not ready." Okay, explanation? Right! Laundry! "Blankets're in the laundry basket downstairs." He didn't think Daniel would want to use dirty sheets.

"Well, I can just get them. They can't be that dirty," Daniel said, and Jack saw him move to the door.

Dammit! Time to think fast. "The blankets were on top. Well, now your lemonade shirt is. So unless you want sticky sheets and blankets, you can't use those." He hoped Daniel didn't mind sticky sheets TOO much. It would definitely make the sex a bit more difficult. Well, if he ever got to have sex with Daniel, which wasn't very likely from the looks of it. Still, a man could dream. And fantasise. Damn, had he fantasised. Especially about the result of his next question. "You can share with me. No problem. It's a big bed." He moved to make room, and took off his shoes. Those would only get in the way. "See? Plenty of space. As long as you don't hog blankets."

"I never had any complaints," Daniel relied. Good! He wasn't saying no.

"Good! There're some sweats in the drawer over there, and throw me one too." He was working on getting his shirt off. Why had he picked this shirt again? "Damn buttons!" What idiot invented buttons anyway? Zippers were more practical.

He felt something drop on the bed beside him as he tried to pull the shirt over his head. Dammit dammit dammit, he wasn't even able to take off his own clothes! Stupid shirt. Stupid drinks. If he hadn't been so drunk he might've been able to take off the shirt with a little bit more grace. That would've been nice. "Damn stupid good for nothing shirt!" He muttered grumpily, and finally managed to get it over his head. He threw it on the floor, next to his shoes. "Bad shirt! Bad!" He was NEVER going to wear it again. Ever.

He watched Daniel grab another pair of sweats as he left for the bathroom. Good, that way Jack could take off his trousers without looking like an idiot. Damn buttons. Hmm, that was odd. The trousers were nowhere near as troublesome as the shirt, and he had changed in no time. Now he was lying in bed, waiting for Daniel to be done in the bathroom. And hopefully, if Daniel hadn't done some thinking, Daniel would be sharing his bed. Yes!

He was taking a rather long time though. "Daniel? You done in there?" He thought he had seen the door open, but in the dim light from the window he couldn't be sure.

"Oh? Yeah, sure, I didn't know you were in any hurry to use the bathroom," Daniel replied from the hallway. Jack smirked to himself. Oh, he was in NO hurry to use the bathroom. As for using Daniel, well, he was in a great hurry.

He told himself to play it cool now. Don't let Daniel know that you're desperate to get him into bed. He just moved the blankets to make room for Daniel. "I was waiting for you to be done so I could get some sleep. Can't sleep if someone's about to get into bed with you." He hoped it sounded as normal as he wanted it to be, and rolled over. He didn't need to see Daniel decide. After all, he was playing it cool. Daniel was taking his sweet time though, and Jack really would like to get some sleep. "You coming or what?" Jack was hoping for the first, but from the looks of it, it was going to be the latter. Dammit.

He felt Daniel crawl into bed with him, and he smiled to himself. That was a promising sign already. "Took your time to get in, Daniel," He said, hoping it came off as cool. Hmm, maybe he shouldn't be arranging the blankets more comfortably around Daniel if he was going to play it cool.

"I was just… thinking," Daniel replied, sounding not too freaked out.

Jack tucked him in some more. "You think too much." Well, there was the understatement of the century. The only person who could beat Daniel in the thinking stakes was Carter. And he really didn't want to think about her now that he had Daniel in his bed. And shirtless at that.

He lay down next to Daniel. Yep, he could definitely get used to this. "You look worried." Was this because of the thinking?

"I don't want to talk about it," Daniel said. Which meant that Jack was definitely going to make him talk about it.

"Sure you do! You're worried, I'm your best friend," Jack said, and moved closer. "Therefore you tell me your worries." Daniel moved away. Okay, that was bad. "Daniel? You don't look very comfortable, what's wrong?" Jack moved closer again. Maybe he could get Daniel to fall out of the bed. No, that would just be cruel. "Daniel? You don't look very comfortable, what's wrong?"

"I thought you wanted to go to sleep?" Daniel moved away again, getting too close to the edge of the bed, and Jack really didn't want him falling out.

"Dammit, Daniel, you're worried, you're uncomfortable and you're not getting away from me, y'hear?" And with that he snuck an arm around Daniel to pull him closer. Oh, this was nice. This was good. He should've done this earlier. His dick was very much in agreeance on that score.

"I don't want to talk about it," Daniel sulked. There was no other word for it. This was sulking, and Daniel was doing so adorably. Not that Jack was going to tell him that.

So instead, he hugged Daniel closer. "I'll talk about my worries if you tell me about yours." And he meant it. He was willing to tell Daniel about his worries, and his desires, but only if Daniel told Jack his. Fair's fair.

"I don't want to talk about it." Damn, this was getting repetitive. And Daniel NOT wanting to talk? That was new.

"You're not interested in my worries?" Jack asked, doing his best to sound sulky too. Maybe it was cute and adorable on him as well, he wasn't sure.

"Not right now. I thought you wanted to sleep," Daniel said. Oh, what did Daniel know about his thoughts? The only thing Jack wanted right now was to get close and personal with Daniel. Without the damn sweat pants. But how to let Daniel know? Well, Jack had always been a doer rather than a thinker, and he very much wanted to do Daniel. So he decided to just pull Daniel as close as possible and let his dick do the talking.

"Surprise!" Jack said, and hoped Daniel wasn't freaked out too much. Daniel turned to stare at him. Was that bad? He hadn't said anything, hadn't stormed out of the bed and called Hammond to resign. Surely there was a good sign in there somewhere?

And then Daniel rolled over. "Surprise right back at you," He whispered. Oh! Hello, yes. That was a bit of a surprise. Nice, nice surprise though. Jack was sure he'd like it. He let his hands drop to grab Daniel's ass, who hugged him tightly in return. Aha, that must mean he was doing something right.

What happened if he rubbed his thumb just here? Okay, that had Daniel wriggling against him in an interesting way. "Can't wait to have you in my bed when you're sober." And when he was sober as well. That was quite important too.

"I'm sober enough right now," Daniel moaned, wriggling in that really interesting way again.

Jack just snorted. "I'm not buying that, Daniel. I know you. You had several beers and a tequila shot. We're not doing anything more than cuddling." And then tomorrow, when they were both sober and had an aspirine and some water to counter the hang-over, they would do LOTS more than cuddling. Although the cuddling was pleasant.

And that had Daniel moving away from him. Bad move. "Jack, you drank twice the amount I did. You did. And you're telling me I'm not sober enough to have sex?" Jack had only said that because Daniel wasn't. And he had never said he was sober enough for sex. Even though he was, considering that the proof was poking Daniel in the hip.

"Daniel, I don't want you to regret this in the morning, okay? I'd feel like I was taking advantage of you," Jack explained carefully. He hoped Daniel wouldn't regret this in the morning. He really hoped this wasn't Daniel being a cheap drunk and getting confused. But he wasn't going to take that risk. Not with Daniel.

Daniel obviously wasn't seeing things his way. "Excuse me? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Seeing as how you're more drunk than I am? I'd be taking advantage of you if anything, and seeing as how you want me to take advantage of you," Daniel paused here to emphasise his point with a really very good brush of his groin against Jack's, "I'm not seeing the problem."

Jack groaned. From the very good and very brief contact, but also from Daniel not seeing the point here. "Don't make this harder than this is, Daniel." Okay, maybe the wrong word there, and he grimaced. "I'm not taking advantage of you. You're drunk. We're not having sex, no matter how much we both seem to want it. Wait until the morning." He was telling this as much to himself as he was to Daniel.

"What if I said I wanted you to take advantage of me? Wrote it black on white? Signed it, filed it in triplicate and everything?" Daniel said. Jack thought that that would make a pretty odd request. 'Doctor Jackson formally requests that he is being taken advantage of by Col. O'Neill ASAP'. Was that even grammatically correct? Daniel would know. " Dammit, Jack, I need to get laid, and I need to get laid now!"

Okay. Never mind correct grammar. It was time to be reasonable again, even if his dick demanded otherwise. "I'm sure you feel that way now, Daniel, but things might be different in the morning. Let's just sleep together first and see what the morning brings, okay?" Jack figured he'd more comfortable on his back, and took Daniel with him. Yeah, this worked. He could definitely sleep like this, with Daniel close to his side and half over him. He could get used to this.

"I don't want to sleep together, I want to have some damn good sex together," Daniel argued.

Jack smiled at his obvious frustration, it wasn't hurting his ego at ALL to know that Daniel was desperate to get some from him. But it was time to be the older and wiser man once again. "I know you feel that way now, Daniel, but maybe you –"

Okay. Erm. Okay. Daniel was kissing him. That was new. And a surprise. Good surprise. Very, very good surprise. Best surprise ever, really. Damn good kiss. Yes, very good kiss. Mmm, he could do this for a while longer. If only he wasn't so sleepy. But he had his eyes closed, and he was comfortable, and Daniel was now stealing a few brief kisses. Sure, go ahead Daniel. He was just going to let his eyes rest for a bit.

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	3. Aftermath

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The next thing Jack noticed was a minty taste in his mouth. And scrubbing. Violent scrubbing too. He never brushed his teeth like that. Wait a minute, someone was brushing his teeth? Jack opened an eye carefully. Wow, he didn't remember the sun being this bright. He opened his other eyes, and spotted the violent teeth brusher. It was Daniel, and he was looking pissy.

"Awake yet? You asshole!" Daniel muttered. "You sure took your damn time!"

What? Asshole? Time? Jack was a bit confused here.

Daniel just shoved a glass of water in his hands, along with some aspirine. "Here, take this."

Jack figured that doing what Daniel asked him to do was for the better, especially as Daniel was armed with a toothbrush and was obviously in a violent mood. He downed the water, thinking that the toothpasty flavour was quite nice. Then Daniel started to towel his head violently. "What's that for!" He managed to get out.

"Left over toothpaste," Daniel growled. "And for being an inconsiderate asshole!"

"What?" Jack asked. He had been an inconsiderate asshole? When? Oh. Last night. With the cuddling, and the not wanting to have sex. Well, he had wanted it, obviously. But the time just hadn't been right. He didn't want to be his first time with Daniel to be a drunken roll in the hay.

Daniel looked confused and hurt suddenly. "You don't remember?"

Oh crap. Now Daniel was thinking that last night had been Jack being drunk and stupid, when that was only half true. He watched Daniel move away, still holding the towel and looking quite close to tears. Double crap. "I remember everything! It's just that my brain wakes up later than the rest of my body!" He said, and smiled. Hopefully that would reassure Daniel.

Daniel eyed him suspiciously, and flung the towel behind him, on the floor. "You remember everything?"

Jack nodded. "Every single detail."

"Me spilling lemonade on my shirt?"

"Yep." Oh, he definitely remembered that. It had led to shirtless Daniel after all. Like he was going to forget that.

"You grabbing my ass as I was helping you up the stairs because you were too drunk to do it yourself?"

"Yeah…" Dammit, he had hoped Daniel hadn't noticed that!

"What about the part where I was all over you, begging for it and you still turned me down?"

Well, he wouldn't quite put it like that. It really had been for Daniel's own good, but Daniel looked so angry that Jack decided not to say that. "Er, yes?"

"The kissing? Do you remember the kissing?"

Jack grinned at that. "I definitely remember kissing!" And he was hoping for a repeat performance, to be honest.

Daniel lunged forward, and pinned Jack to the bed. Whoa, hadn't seen that one coming. "What about the bit where you FELL ASLEEP, ASSHOLE!"

"I'm, er, sorry?" Jack offered, as he stared into Daniel's eyes. Were his pupils always this dilated? Jack didn't think so.

"Oh, you will be once I'm through with you," Daniel growled.

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